A celebration

There is so much I want to tell you but don’t know where to start. I hesitate also, to wonder, how does it even matter in the grand scheme of things, what I say or I don’t. In which case, let me say it anyway.

Reclaiming these pages from silence has been my intention for many weeks now, if for no other reason than the fact that I have missed haunting this space. Some time toward the end of March, a dear friend asked me to bring back the joker, and reinject some mirth here. Whilst I will not be doing that today, I was thrilled that my friend remembers and cherishes a part of me that I remember fondly.

I remember too all the hurt that spirited young woman condensed into funny lines and snarky self-deprecation; turning heartbreak into comedy; seeking validation via her art. Today I want to tell her, I am so proud of you. You never gave up on me. Yes we chased rainbows and perfection, but you never stopped believing. Believing that I would always look out for us. That even as we evolve we would never lose touch with who we are, Whilst change is/was constant so is your trust. Why am I writing in third person? Because sometimes, many times, and for some, most times, you need to be your own advocate, your own best friend, your own champion.

So today, I will use this space to honour that person who I was, who people read in these pages, but mostly that woman who kept showing up, rain or shine, striding, stumbling, seeking, sharing, resisting and striking out on her own. The woman I am today, owes so much to the girl I was. And I don’t ever want to forget that.

So whilst we never found the pot of gold at the end of said rainbow, we found something even better; we found us. Messy, unfinished, fulfilled in parts, filled with longing, imperfect, us. An endless work in progress, full of paradox(es?i?), ever flowing, but most importantly, some one who is enough. And who is learning to not be afraid of being enough.

To you who is reading, I don’t know what you may glean from the above, but if you find yourself reflected at any point, I wish for you peace and congruence. Thank you for indulging me, and you are welcome.